I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
