She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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