happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Life is so much better after having sex.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
