He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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