I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
