Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
