I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
