took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
