Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
