i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
