you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
