I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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