I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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