oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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