im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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