I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
