This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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