you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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