I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Princesses don't give blow jobs
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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