I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i barfeds in our rink
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
