I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
