I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
