dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
