im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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