I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
