How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
