Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
