You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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