I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
