Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
