Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
