Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
