Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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