Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Drake has all the answers
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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