he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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