there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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