just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
