she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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