he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
