Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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