I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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