Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I will pee on everything he values.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
And then he peed in my hair
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