Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
