the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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