Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
