Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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