Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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