HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize