i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
