Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
