new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
