He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
