the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
