We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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