you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
