I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
