Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
