maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
As shirtless as possible
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
