Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
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