The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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