Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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