Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize