someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
