Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
