Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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