Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize