just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize