So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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