I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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