just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
