ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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