STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
