He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
