If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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