I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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