if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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