And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
