After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
