Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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