I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
