can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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