While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
