How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
